ABOUT MARRIAGE: UNSUITED COUPLES MARRY
Often two totally unsuited persons will marry, for reasons that are incomprehensible to the casual onlooker. In many, many cases of course, the union comes tumbling to the ground. Both parties are left unhappy, and another divorce figure is chalked up in the book of statistics. The only people who win in divorces are the lawyers.
Do not imagine you will be able to alter the basic pattern of your partner after you are married. The chances, I assure you, become slimmer and slimmer the nearer the wedding-day comes.
Some cases may succeed but, in the main, disaster stalks.
If Lou has been smoking his head off for the past five to ten years or more, then he is not going to stop merely because you think he should. If he regularly drinks each night with the boys, and stays out till midnight each Thursday at the club, he is not suddenly going to alter this simply because you think he should.
If you start insisting that he alter his ways, you are also headed for dismal failure. For a time, while the initial euphoria of marriage still has him in its grips, he may. But inevitably, he will get back to the routine he has built up for himself over the past few years. It will not change. A girl who believes she has adequate strength to bring about such changes is fooling herself.
I do not mean to be unkind; I am merely stating a fact of life. I’ve seen too many erstwhile happy marriages (happy for the first tentative months, or maybe years) come unstuck because a girl develops into a nagger. It goes under all manner of guises. She is trying to “‘help” him; get him off the cigarettes for his health; off the drink because they can’t afford it; because of the baby, the kids, or whatever.
It won’t work. Forget it, and stop trying. Stop giving yourself a headache by battering your head against a brick wall.
It is far better to consider all these things well before you are married. Either be prepared to accept them, or reject them. In the latter case, it means you opt out, and gradually look around for somebody else who already has the set of standards you prefer.
Find somebody with your own set of principles and likes and dislikes.
Fortunately, very often people tend to make friends initially because similar social customs throw them together. For example, those who met at the church club level tend to have, roughly, the same principles and outlooks. This is a big factor in favor of churches and the social activity related to them.
Similarly, sports-minded people will tend to catch up on the social level with those so engaged. Often the problem of cross-typing never arises, because the situation has automatically taken care of itself, and so guided your destinies.
There is no doubt that couples who are on the same wavelength with their social habits, likes and dislikes are far more compatible, and are much more likely to make a success of life than those who are not.
It is also worth checking your respective likes and dislikes in regard to entertainment, for this, too, often forms a major part in the lives of some people. Are you similar in your interests here?
It is wise to have some idea of your partner’s tastes. The nearer it is to yours, the better. Few things can be much worse than being dragged along to a classical concert if you don’t happen to like classical music. Neither is a popular concert the ideal place if you like Beethoven or Schubert. Do you get the general message?
Is your partner a keen bush-walker or mountain-climber? He is? And you are too? That is fine, for it must be hard to match up some likes and dislikes. Then I am sure your chances of a successful married life will be high.
Do you both like talking your heads off whenever you have social intercourse with others? Usually in any marital team, there is one who prefers to do all the talking, and the other tends to sit and listen and do the back-up. Most units do not have place for two dominating figures who both want to be in the limelight most of the time. One must inevitably suffer.
*24/76/5*
