OUR SEXUALITY: ADULTS
Adults
While it’s difficult for many parents to admit their children are sexual, it’s just as difficult for some adults to admit that they themselves are sexual. This shouldn’t be surprising, considering that many people were taught by their parents that sex is too “dirty” for words.
In addition to negative childhood lessons by parents, another social barrier that keeps teenagers and adults from enjoying their sexuality is the media. By using actors and models who are almost always very young, thin, and white, TV commercials and other advertisements constantly promote the idea that there is only one way for a woman or man to look attractive. The message seems to be that anyone who doesn’t conform to the look that is portrayed in the media—a “perfect” body and “beautiful” face—won’t be attractive to others and won’t be able to find a sex partner.
The vast majority of people do not measure up to this narrow physical “ideal.” Many grow up disliking the way they look. Women and men often try to change their appearance by using very dangerous or expensive means, such as starving themselves, taking steroids to build up their muscles, and undergoing cosmetic surgery to increase the size of their breasts, penises, calves, or buttocks—all in the hope of becoming more attractive to others. Some people who feel that the ideal “look” is beyond possibility for them may “let themselves go,” becoming out-of-shape and obese. Other people, those who fear their sexuality, may feel safer by allowing themselves to become less sexually attractive.
In reality, however, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. What people find physically attractive varies tremendously. No matter what we look like, many people will find us physically attractive. Sexual attraction is diverse. No two men or women are exactly alike in the way they look, think, feel, or act, and no two people have exactly the same sexual desires or attractions.
But even if we are comfortable with our appearance, being a sexually healthy adult is not always easy. Adults of all ages continually face many difficult choices related to their sexuality. They need to repeatedly identify and evaluate their beliefs and the values with which they want to live. Adults are also expected to demonstrate respect for people who have different beliefs and values than theirs.
Adults should also be able to communicate effectively and interact with family and peers of both genders in respectful and appropriate ways. Adult relationships must also be consensual, non-exploitive, honest, and pleasurable. Adult partners should protect one another against sexually transmitted infections and unintended pregnancies. Sexually healthy adults will also have regular medical checkups and examine their breasts or testicles regularly to identify potential sexual health problems early.
Older Adults
As we age, our bodies, minds, and environments change. These changes affect our sexuality, which also changes throughout our lifetimes. Women commonly experience changes in their sexuality during and after pregnancy, and also after menopause. As they age, men experience a natural increase in the time it takes to become aroused and a decline in their ability to get and maintain an erection. Certain medications; physical problems, such as strokes or heart attacks; and emotional problems, such as depression, may also affect sexual performance. But our sexual feelings and interest are always with us. Despite media images of exclusively youthful sexuality, sex is not only for people in their 20s. Some women and men enjoy healthy, active sex lives well into their 90s.
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