Sometimes life changes that precede an illness are what might normally be identified as positive changes. Bob Gilley, thirty-nine years old when he received his cancer diagnosis, is a good example of how individual the nature of a person’s response to stress is. When Stephanie first began working with Bob to explore his own emotional participation in his illness, she concluded at the end of his first interview that perhaps our theories did not pertain to him.

On first examination, Bob’s life seemed to be a model of the dynamic and successful young executive. He owned his own corporation and attained national recognition within his profession, receiving an award for maintaining the highest standards of production in his industry for over ten years. Even though in the past Bob had experienced many business difficulties with previous partners, he had formed a new partnership a few years before which seemed ideal.

Bob reported that early in their marriage he and his wife had had considerable difficulties, particularly when he was struggling to become a success. As his career became more and more successful, however, his marriage, on the surface, seemed to improve. Additionally, Bob and his wife had made the decision to adopt children some years before. Just prior to his diagnosis, they had completed the adoption of their second child. For all outward appearances, Bob seemed to have reached the top of the ladder and should have been enjoying the rewards of his years of struggle.

One of the first clues indicating that all was not as it seemed with Bob was a remark he made in his initial interview. He said that one of the few things he could remember in the year prior to his illness was a generalized feeling that was best characterized by the Peggy Lee song, “Is That All There Is?” To a man who had learned that the proof of his attainment and manhood rested in conquering difficulties, the attainment by age thirty-nine of most of his life’s goals and ambitions left him adrift. For someone who had not learned to enjoy the peaceful times in life, the absence of turmoil and struggle was experienced as a loss.

Within a year, Bob was diagnosed as having an advanced cancer and was once again faced with a challenge and a battle to be won. In the months and years after Bob’s diagnosis, much of his own emotional work and exploration has been in learning to enjoy the rewards of his struggles and to accept himself for who he is, rather than constantly needing to prove his worth by overcoming an obstacle or meeting a challenge head-on.

*32\347\2*